It might be common after going through a hard experience, to find yourself thinking about it most of the time. You might not even notice your mind is there thinking, but it is, and with your body as well. You know your body is there feeling and experiencing with you because suddenly you might begin to feel exhausted, with a headache or a stomach ache. You might also notice being upset about the most, apparently, insignificant and mundane thing. This is how you know that experience has been traumatic, overwhelming, exhausting and dark. You notice you are thinking about this experience over and over again in the same exact way trying to find reasons and explanations for this to have happened. As you try to find an answer to the common, but profound question of "Why did this happen?", you are at the same time re experiencing the emotional roller coaster of such experience with questions such as: Am I going to be able to get over this experience?, Why is this happening again?, Am I attracting these experiences?, Why can't my life just be normal like everyone else's life?, and so on.....And then there is the question of, When am I going to stop thinking about this?!
Sometimes, when you take some time to reflect, think, talk and process these experiences, they lose power over you. You might want to think about the experience, not by re thinking over and over about it but differently. This is what usually happens in psychotherapy. You have a listener who might help you with that thinking process in the areas you seem to get stuck. Usually, you are stuck due to an unprocessed and unacknowledged painful feeling. We need the help of others to sort these things out. Afterwards, there might be a moment in which you will remember again and you notice there has been some space between the time you last thought about this experience. In that way, you start creating space between you and your experience. It is not to deny your traumatic experience or avoid thinking about it. It is that it is not as powerful as before so it is not attached to your memory in the same way. The over thinking has the intention to bring to your awareness how painful this experience has been for you in the same way dreams remind us of some unfinished issue we need to work on.
In an organic way, you might find some space between the memories, some breathe in between the emotions, some organization in your thought process, some self awareness about how often and deep these memories were present in your life and how they are there but they cannot control your thinking anymore. And the questions? Well, you might find the answer to some of them with time, but you might also find that you might change your questions as you progress in your own healing process. The "Why did this happen to me?" has its importance at some point, but later you might be more concerned about, "How can I take care of my wounded self and honor it?". Instead of "Why can't my life just be normal like everyone else's life?" you will realize that everyone has some type of difficulty, everyone is struggling and everyone in the best way they can might be trying to make the best out of the life they have. Somehow, you kind of realize that you are pretty normal and pretty normal people acknowledge their limitations and look for help.
Merari E. Fernández Castro,