It is that time of the year in which life comes to full circle. It is that time of the year when you sit back and remember what it was, how it was, how it felt, how it shaped your understanding of today. It is that time of the year in which pain revisits you. The end of the year in which you remember those experiences. The end of the year in which you are still in shock about what happened around this time, after this time, at a later time. The end of the year in which you are still in shock about who you were some… some years ago. The end of the year in which you revisit the Dark Side… a reminder of the potential of who you could be, who have you been, who you fear to be, who you do not want to be. The end of the year in which you count your losses and disappointments. The end of the year in which you are marveled at how you survived. The end of the year in which revisiting the Dark Side is like revisiting home. The end of the year in which you wish to exorcise the Dark Side within you And run away…. And jump into the deep ocean. And feel connected again with the whole of who you are. To feel connected to multiple parts sometimes forgotten, sometimes unseen, sometimes invisible. To feel connected to the Dark Side, to the unnamed, to the unspoken. To feel connected to the Light within you. Once remembered just breath… And stare at a beautiful point in the horizon And move mindfully as you remember And connect with your skin by feeling How your body changes as you revisit these memories, How you try to resist to be present as the memories rush into your mind…uninvited, How you try to disconnect from your uncomfortable emotions, How you go to places like…blame and shame and disappointment and victimhood, How life feels heavier as you remember, like if you were living it and trapped in it again. How it feels so heavy it would be better to give up the fight, the survival, the thriving after what it was. It is that time of the year…that time of the year again in which you are at awe at how you survived. There is a taste of victory within by revisiting these painful memories and acknowledging you fought like no one could imagine you could fight. Even when it feels so bad to remember. Even when it feels there was no fight. Even when you feel like a looser. Even when you feel you surrendered by leaving it behind and moving on to a wonderful and better life. It is that time of the year in which you realize how those painful memories have taken you to a path you did not dare to name before, to discover, to search for, those parts of you unacknowledged but within reach. How you were blooming all along without even knowing it. How you learned to trust your own wisdom, your insight, your intuition. And fall in love with knowing your intuition was always right. Your inner voice showed you the path to follow out of a nightmare. It is the end of the year in which you were reminded of what it was, how it was, how it felt, how it shaped your understanding of today. The end of the year…again. |
AutorMerari E. Fernández Castro, Archives
November 2020
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