A boring life. Period. That is what happens when we are incapable of feeling ourselves deeply.
The idea of feeling for many is terrifying. Feeling requires vulnerability and trusting emotions have an important place in our lives as they provide us with flavor, excitement, shape, and color to ordinary life events. Without them, our lives would be full of boring, flavorless experiences.
We consume flavorless experiences when we deny ourselves from being present with emotions. It is an experience of numbing and disconnection from how we feel, carelessness for others’ feelings or the emotional impact we have on others. We can risk making poor life choices as we do not have to feel how terrible those choices can be for ourselves.
Other times we consume flavorless life experiences when we only allow certain feelings to emerge such as anger or excitement. We restrict our emotional plethora only to allow ourselves to be present with those well-known and familiar feelings even if our patterns to only be in touch with those emotions are insanely destructive.
Our challenge is to have relationships and experiences that help us access our extraordinary human capacity to feel ourselves deeply and to feel the other and with others. This requires attunement to our inner emotional flavors. Just as when we taste a food, we polish our skills in learning to differentiate flavors by its taste but also by integrating our understanding of its texture and smell. The same can be experienced with feelings. Each feeling tastes different. Each has its own texture, color, and smell. We can describe them well to others. We can live embracing them and knowing that feelings are a part of us needing acknowledgment for the place it deserves.
Feelings are not going anywhere even if we insist on not allowing ourselves to embrace them.
Feelings are not going anywhere even if we insist in not naming or acknowledging them.
Feelings will stay with us and will come in intense flashbacks, nightmares, substance use or physical pain if we do not give them the space they deserve.
We do not taste life fully and will live in misery when we do not feel and embrace those parts that have made who we are. A dull and painful life becomes a part of our life experience as long as we do not welcome a life with all its flavor and color…a life of emotions.
Merari E. Fernández Castro,